One of the reasons that I find the behavior of President Trump unacceptable may be that I am not accustomed to dealing with narcissists. I grew up in an environment of humble, kind, hardworking people. As a child, I was reprimanded for bragging or acting superior and praised for being considerate of others. I find many of his behaviors to be repulsive.
I came across an article this week written by someone who was raised by two narcissists and who has a greater understanding of how to deal with them. “Being Raised by Two Narcissist Taught Me How to Deal with Trump” by Karen Greier (vice.com 2/13/2019) provides some valuable insight. First, the author outlines “patterns of behavior” exhibited by narcissists.
- meltdowns – public tantrums over the tiniest slights that are held up as great injustices.
- dressing down – forcing someone to listen to a complete accounting of all the ways they’re terrible.
- wagon fixing – teaching someone a lesson for imagined slights by doling out an outsized punishment.
She continues, narcissists “…are all about wielding control over people” and don’t care how mean or bad they look doing it. They “…do what is needed to elicit behaviors from the people around them to ensure they get what they want” and finesse situations to their advantage. They make “… their opponents feel like they don’t have any moves left.” Furthermore, “narcissists do not show remorse, they are incapable of shame.” They can’t see how they have wronged others because they don’t hold them in “… high enough esteem.” They have no sense of decency and want to hold their power over others. They know how much leverage they have and will always use threats to get what they want. THEY NEVER CHANGE.
So we are stuck. Our President has no shame filter, doesn’t care what others think and does not have the ability to change his behavior. He exerts his power while having an aversion to complexity and limited knowledge of the real and important facts needed to support his inflated sense of his ability. In Team of Vipers Cliff Sims (St Martin Press, NY 2018) writes “Everything is personal to Trump – everything.” He is incapable of seeing the other person’s point of view unless it agrees with his. Everything he does is for himself and is incapable of anything else! ALL WE CAN DO IS VOTE!